A Self-Love Ritual To Unhook From Shame

You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

Feb 03, 2025

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It’s wild how much “self-love” is weaponised in the year of our lord 2025. I sense for many it’s become another oppressive and unrealistic expectation. This kind of ‘self-love’ is the prize we’re promised once we meet certain conditions via an endless Sisyphean process of self-optimisation through consumption. This kind of self-love is propaganda.

Yet, the way we practice loving ourselves is the foundation upon which all our relationships, dreams, communities, and creative expressions rest. Real self-love (for lack of a better word) radical and vital to our kind. And it’s a verb.

This kind of self-love is not a perfect finality—no earned rapturous state of enlightenment—but the messy, willing act of remembering (and re-remembering) the truth; that every one of us, no matter your protestations, deserves unconditional love. Including unconditional self-love.

When was the last time you turned inward—not to critique, fix or heal—but to simply honour, and practice accepting, the imperfect person you are today?

The below unconditional self-love ritual is an invitation to step out of self-surveillance and shame—and connect with your whole self more intentionally and compassionately. Without trying to shift or change any part. Take 30 minutes or so to create a sacred space just for you.

Gather your materials:

꩜ A tarot or oracle deck.
꩜ Your journal and a pen.
꩜ Any creative supplies (optional but encouraged!)—paints, markers, or even a stack of magazines for collaging.

Prepare the space

Rituals thrive in “set and setting”. They need a special and sacred environment, even if it’s just a corner of a coffee table. Combined with intention and imagination, that’s more than enough. Choose a time and place where you won’t be interrupted. Settle in and clear the energy in your space—whether that’s with incense, a cleansing spray, a clap, a word, or simply opening a window to let the fresh air in.

Set a formal intention. Say it out loud, write it down, or whisper it into the air with a depth of feeling. Something like: "I am here to honour and love myself with unreserved compassion, curiosity, and care."

The self-love tarot spread

Tarot is a mirror for the soul; a tool to reflect what’s stirring deep within us. That’s no truer than when it comes to our relationship with ourselves. And it’s not just the cards we pull. It’s the kinds of self-love questions we ask, our reaction to the cards, our associations to them. They all reveal our current quality of self-love. And the behavourial patterns toward ourselves we’re currently enacting.

Shuffle your deck while focusing on this question "what does unconditional self-love look like for me in this moment?" Pull three cards, laying them in a line:

The Need ~ The part of me that most needs unconditional love right now.
The Hurdle ~ What’s standing in the way of me embracing unconditional self-love? Tip: this is something else that needs your love.
The New Path ~ A deeply loving action I can take to show myself this unconditional love and begin moving in different, loving ways.

Take your time with each card. Study its imagery, symbols, associations, and mood. What resonates immediately? What surprises you? What slowly reveals itself? If a card feels unclear, lean into that discomfort—it may be pointing to a truth you’re not yet ready to fully see.

Journal your reflections further

Now it’s time to digest these abstract sensings into tangible insight. Use these prompts to guide your reflections:

🌹 The first card shows me a part of myself I’ve been neglecting. How does it feel to acknowledge this part of me? What does this part have to say?

🌹 The second card reveals an obstacle. Where do I see this pattern playing out in my life? Where does it come from? How might I gently get curious about it? How might I show it too some unconditional love and compassion?

🌹 The third card offers a path forward. What small, do-able, loving step can I take today to lovingly and unconditionally align with my whole self?

Don’t censor yourself or worry about structure. Let your pen move freely, flowing toward some new insight. If it feels challenging to believe what you’re writing, imagine what it might feel like if you did believe it? Let your embodied imagination guide you to “try on” this belief, with your whole heart, even just for 15 seconds.

An expression of self-love

Creativity is the language of the soul. It bypasses “logic” and taps into something deeper—a sense of presence, play, and self-acceptance.

Using the insights from your tarot reading and journalling, choose a simple creative expression of what stays with you regarding what you’ve come to know about self-love. It can be a consonant or dissonant feeling. Don’t spend more than 20 minutes on it. You could:

♡ Paint or draw your current emotions as abstract colours and shapes.
♡ Write a short poem inspired by one of the cards and your journaling.
♡ Create a collage that represents how you’d like to practice unconditional self-love from now on.

If you feel resistance (like “I’m not creative enough for this”), remember: this isn’t about creating art at all. It’s about creating self-connection and expressing something of what you sense or know. It doesn’t fucking matter how it looks! It’s a process, not a product.

Anchor the ritual

End your ritual by distilling everything into a single, empowering affirmation. What stays with you? Write it on a sticky note, in your journal, draw it, or set it as a daily reminder on your phone. Some examples:

🦢 “I am worthy of love as I am.”
🦢 “I deserve my own care, even when it’s hard to remember.”
🦢 “Every time I practice loving myself unconditionally, I learn to believe it more and more.”

Say this affirmation out loud. With feeling! Let it resonate in your body. This is a spell cast by you, just for you.

Why bother with this ritual?

Unconditional self-love isn’t a destination we arrive at; it’s a relationship we cultivate with dedicated practice over time. Maybe a whole lifetime, or many. Never perfect, never complete, it’s a horizon line we constantly move toward. It requires patience, nuanced tenderness, and above all, curiosity. Through this ritual, you’ve not only reconnected with yourself but also planted seeds of care that can bloom in unexpected ways.

Take this energy into the rest of your day and week. Share it around. Return to this practice as often as you like. I guarantee that each time, new inner knowings will emerge.

Thank you + news

How did this ritual feel for you? What insights did your cards reveal? I’d love to hear your experience if you want to share—just hit reply.

If this resonated, my new book Love Oracle: Divine Guidance For Relationships offers dozens of ways to connect with your heart and intuition, as well as with other people. I pray it can be your companion in all matters of love—starting with yourself. Love Oracle is available in the UK and so-called Australia now and is available for preorder in the US / Turtle Island before coming out next week! Your preorders make a difference by helping authors get their books into more shops and hands. Hope you love it. ♡♡♡

x Jerico

This email has been sent from stolen and unceded Dharawal Country. I send my solemn respects to Elders of this place, past and present, and to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elders. I vow to continue the journey of unsettling colonialism and aim to do my part to move us closer to treaty, truth-telling, and land rights. This always was and always will be Aboriginal land.