Thanks for sharing! I’ve experienced limerance most recently regarding someone I was holding a grudge towards. Love is at the root because there was friendship there at one point and learning to release my expectations and disappointments has been tricky. My “fantasies” center what I would say or do if I were to confront this person. Or imagining their life somehow being worse off without me in it. The obsessive thoughts are SOOOO annoying sometimes because I wish not to care at all. I’ve found that literally catching myself in a limerance spiral and saying ‘STOP’ out loud and grounding/ naming what I’m physically doing in that moment (ex: I’m sitting at my desk, I’m looking at my laptop, I smell the candle, I hear the birds) really helps to “distract” or redirect my brain. The more I do this, the quicker I notice the spiral before it really gets started and the easier I’m able to redirect to other things I’d actually rather be doing.
Also thanks for the tarot spread prompts! And the warning is so spot on- consent is incredibly important and using our intuitive gifts to spy on others is a huge red flag, so thanks for saying that for the collective. I’m definitely going to pull using this spread soon!
Alicia! Thank you so much for bringing this up. I completely relate to the friendship aspect of limerence. And the mindfulness present in your approach to coming back to your body and surroundings is so helpful to name and practice. I'm so glad this resonated with your lovely and I hope the spreads serves you well too.
Oh, the synchronity! I just read this - by chance, the heart-wrenching 'East Wind' from the BBC series Sherlock playing in the background - after last night watching a video about limerence. And ooh did it struck a chord! Maybe my 4 year obsession on a situationship isn't because we're soulmates who just can't make it work in this lifetime, maybe it's because the real person doesn't match my imaginary version of that person and that relationship? Somehow realising this has been only a relieve. Maybe with these new tools I can finally put the daydream and the obsession to rest. Thank you for this beautiful, honest write about avoidant-leaning attachment style, the autistic femme experience and all of the heartbreak love life and limerence bring us.
Btw, the video by Heidi Priebe on YT was highly informative. She talked about how the object of limerence is likely a "key" to a feeling or side of ourselves that we aren't able to access ourselves. Or we feel like we can't access. For me, this person represented being seen, being respected and loved by an intellectual peer (that word makes me cringe but it's a testament of how acknowledging my intelligence has been shoved deep into my shadow) and being taken care of, because finally there is someone whose judgement and ability I trust. But - I don't need this otherwise uncompatible person to give me those feelings. They won't be the only smart person to truly see me, or the only person who I'll trust. I deserve to celebrate my intelligence and I deserve to crave trusting people and being taken care of. Wow, just writing these things "out loud" makes my nervous system release.
Thank you so much for sharing Elina. I just watched the Heidi Priebe video and it was informative indeed! Honouring you for allowing this "release". Sounds like the beginning of something special.
Oh boy, does this feel familiar. I've always just thought of limerance as a fleeting pining feeling. Framed this way it really gives context and understanding to the broader experience (which I also relate to teens and much of 20s!) The book sounds like it will be a great collection!
This is the first time I've heard the word limerence before, and I feel like I just uncovered a whole new level of my late teens. Wowwww. How do you always know how to speak directly to my heart? xoxoxo
Thanks for sharing! I’ve experienced limerance most recently regarding someone I was holding a grudge towards. Love is at the root because there was friendship there at one point and learning to release my expectations and disappointments has been tricky. My “fantasies” center what I would say or do if I were to confront this person. Or imagining their life somehow being worse off without me in it. The obsessive thoughts are SOOOO annoying sometimes because I wish not to care at all. I’ve found that literally catching myself in a limerance spiral and saying ‘STOP’ out loud and grounding/ naming what I’m physically doing in that moment (ex: I’m sitting at my desk, I’m looking at my laptop, I smell the candle, I hear the birds) really helps to “distract” or redirect my brain. The more I do this, the quicker I notice the spiral before it really gets started and the easier I’m able to redirect to other things I’d actually rather be doing.
Also thanks for the tarot spread prompts! And the warning is so spot on- consent is incredibly important and using our intuitive gifts to spy on others is a huge red flag, so thanks for saying that for the collective. I’m definitely going to pull using this spread soon!
Alicia! Thank you so much for bringing this up. I completely relate to the friendship aspect of limerence. And the mindfulness present in your approach to coming back to your body and surroundings is so helpful to name and practice. I'm so glad this resonated with your lovely and I hope the spreads serves you well too.
Thanks! I did the spread and it was very clarifying!
Oh, the synchronity! I just read this - by chance, the heart-wrenching 'East Wind' from the BBC series Sherlock playing in the background - after last night watching a video about limerence. And ooh did it struck a chord! Maybe my 4 year obsession on a situationship isn't because we're soulmates who just can't make it work in this lifetime, maybe it's because the real person doesn't match my imaginary version of that person and that relationship? Somehow realising this has been only a relieve. Maybe with these new tools I can finally put the daydream and the obsession to rest. Thank you for this beautiful, honest write about avoidant-leaning attachment style, the autistic femme experience and all of the heartbreak love life and limerence bring us.
Btw, the video by Heidi Priebe on YT was highly informative. She talked about how the object of limerence is likely a "key" to a feeling or side of ourselves that we aren't able to access ourselves. Or we feel like we can't access. For me, this person represented being seen, being respected and loved by an intellectual peer (that word makes me cringe but it's a testament of how acknowledging my intelligence has been shoved deep into my shadow) and being taken care of, because finally there is someone whose judgement and ability I trust. But - I don't need this otherwise uncompatible person to give me those feelings. They won't be the only smart person to truly see me, or the only person who I'll trust. I deserve to celebrate my intelligence and I deserve to crave trusting people and being taken care of. Wow, just writing these things "out loud" makes my nervous system release.
Thank you <3
Thank you so much for sharing Elina. I just watched the Heidi Priebe video and it was informative indeed! Honouring you for allowing this "release". Sounds like the beginning of something special.
Oh boy, does this feel familiar. I've always just thought of limerance as a fleeting pining feeling. Framed this way it really gives context and understanding to the broader experience (which I also relate to teens and much of 20s!) The book sounds like it will be a great collection!
Thank you Bronwyn, I'm really glad it could offer some of that. It's a great book!
This is the first time I've heard the word limerence before, and I feel like I just uncovered a whole new level of my late teens. Wowwww. How do you always know how to speak directly to my heart? xoxoxo
Thank you angel. Love your heart!